Sunday, May 2, 2010

Love is all that matters, afterall...

Wow! Ok, so I haven’t updated this since I left New York! Where to start? Maybe with the day he deployed…

Bryan deployed on April Fool’s Day, no joke. My best friend from college, Veronica, flew in the night before, as did Jeff. We were able to spend that last day finishing up last minute things and ended up going to our favorite local wing spot, Spencer’s. That night Bryan and I cried ourselves to sleep and fell asleep and woke up in the same position; in each other’s arms. Thursday was kind of a crazy day and it felt like it went by in slow motion, but at a fast pace. We all went to breakfast and then stayed with Bryan outside of his company’s office until we had to say our final good-byes. Wow! That moment still lingers in my mind. Being in Bryan’s arms, holding on so tight not wanting to let go while knowing that I had to was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. However, I can’t even express how thankful I am that Jeff and Veronica were there. I went from crying in Bryan’s arms, to crying in Jeff’s arms, to crying in V’s arms. I know Bryan is confident that I was left in more than good hands. I always tell Bryan that we were married and united through God, as a relationship not just between him and me, but God as well. Thus, I am encouraged that Bryan is no more than a prayer away. Having a strong faith is the only way to get through something like this. Some days are harder than others, but for the most part, I’m doing really well. I find that giving my worries and sadness up to the Lord brings healing and comfort. Some days I have to lift up my sadness up to God every hour, and others I find happiness throughout the day. Either way, Bryan and I could not do this with out our trust in the Lord.

Jeff, Veronica, and I had quite the road trip. There was no better way to spend the first few days of my husband being deployed than singing, dancing, laughing, and crying in a car with my best friend. V is such an open hearted person and had no problem laughing with Jeff as well. It really was a blast spending time with both V, and Jeff. Truly a bonding experience and I am so, soo lucky to have such people in my life! I love you both!

I was fortunate enough to have interviews for a job the first week I was back (thanks Cor)! I was offered the job by that Friday and started training on the following Monday! Again, the Lord has truly blessed me in providing an income and an activity right away and to take away those stresses that I could have had.

I moved into my new apartment with my brother’s girlfriend, Melissa and it has been a blast so far! My parent’s (and their puppy Zoey) only live 10 minutes away, so I have been over to their house on a regular basis (you would too if you saw sweet Zoey)! Melissa has been a great roommate so far, and maybe something more in the future ;) *fingers crossed and knocking on wood* It’s also fun because I get to see my brother, and their new puppy, Cubby, all of the time, too! They really are a great couple and it is so awesome to see someone you love so much find someone that makes him so incredibly happy! For that Melissa, I love you forever!

I have been able to see/talk to the majority of my friend’s in the past few weeks that I have been home and it has been amazing!!! I can’t express how much I truly love all of them and their support has been more than I deserve. I am so lucky to have such caring people around me. I love that I am able to talk about deployment when I need to around them, but it doesn’t consume our conversations. I feel that if my life were consumed by thoughts and conversations of deployment, our relationship would then be defined by it, and I don’t feel that way at all. Over the past four years, Bryan and I have created such a unique relationship that the army and this deployment are only a factor in what defines us as a couple. Yes, it is a hard step in our relationship, but not a defining one. I again, feel blessed, so, so, SO blessed that we were able to spend those three months together before he deployed. I know many people go through lots of fighting and heartache before their loved one leaves, and I am grateful that we escaped that. We were just so purely happy to actually get that time together before he left! It has also been a blessing that we have SO much to look forward to when he gets back! With the big wedding, (save the “tentative” date…July 9, 2011) and moving into a new house together, choosing decorations and furniture together, and really beginning the rest of our lives together. Though deployments seem awful to some people, in the grand scheme of things, God has more then blessed our lives together and given us so much more than we could ever deserve. For that alone, I am grateful.

And now for the goods! Again, I am so blessed. I have no idea what I did to deserve the blessings that God has showered me with, but I am thankful everyday for them. Bryan has been able to call and text me several times! I am still in shock at the amount of times we have been able to talk! Each time keeps me smiling for days, literally! I love our conversations and continually hang up feeling that much more confident in our marriage and love for one another. He really is such a great guy (and a sexy one too, hehe)! He makes me smile the way that no guy ever has, even from Afghanistan! Bryan has more than proved himself as a husband and best friend and I’m confident that he will be more than an amazing daddy (someday)! Every girl always dreams of that perfect man to spend the rest of her life with and to care for her children someday. I have always wanted that guy to be a replica of my dad. I am the epitome of a “Daddy’s Girl” so every guy I have ever dated (and yes, there have been A LOT of them) has always had a high standard to measure up too. Bryan however, has shown me just that. He treats me like a true Princess. He has goals and dreams with me and it is such an awesome feeling knowing that I can stand by my best friend and look forward into the future with him. Those dreams are not put on hold since he is “gone.” As a matter of fact, I find that with each conversation we dream of more and more things that we want to do together. It is such a humbling feeling.

Neither of us could be where we are today if it wasn’t for the support and love of our friends and family. Now, more than ever, we both are feeling an outpouring of that love and are so thankful to be surrounded by such great people. In marriage, deployment, and life, the people that surround you are the ones who encourage you to live faithfully and in happiness. Bryan and I both appreciate everyone’s support in our commitment through marriage together and for the prayers of comfort and peace through this deployment. I have quickly learned the true meaning of “counting my blessings” and hanging on to the things that I DO have, not what I don’t. I have an INCREDIBLE husband, an amazing husband, wonderful, caring friends, a roof over my head and enough money to keep me stable, but refrain from greed. Give your loved ones a kiss for me, and be sure to continually tell them how much they mean to you! You all mean the world to me.

If anyone is interested in sending Bryan a special note or a care package, please e-mail me… Also, if you would like to be added to his e-mail list, I would be more than happy to update that as well. You all are what keeps him going everyday! Thanks for all of the support, from the very bottom of our hearts!

1 comment:

  1. Cass, you never cease to amaze me. I love you dearly and I look up to you and and admire your faith.

    PS. Can't wait to see you soon!